


should we fall apart

by fortunatehearts



Series: am i mistaken? [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (technically) - Freeform, Aged-Up Character(s), Canon Compliant, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Training Camp, this is really self indulgent i'm sorry lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 03:17:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11865534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortunatehearts/pseuds/fortunatehearts
Summary: on Wednesday, Tadashi realizes he misses Tsukishima.on Thursday, Tadashi only plays a couple matches with Tsukishima.on Friday, Tadashi’s heart falls out of his chest and bleeds into Tsukishima’s hands.





	should we fall apart

**Author's Note:**

> yeah yeah I haven't posted in more than a year. shit happens. this fic is sorta a sequel but has literally nothing to do with the first part. (i've put off posting this for months, enjoy)

The classrooms right before summer officially starts are either sickly sticky or so air conditioned to the point where some students wear sweaters over their uniforms. In this case Tadashi’s shirt is matted against his chest, every inch of his body feels wildly uncomfortable from his sweaty clothes. Tadashi’s leg twitches, his lack of patience for the final bell to ring begins to show, his muscles are anxious for practice. 

His teacher glances up at the clock and chooses to explain the assigned homework. He quickly writes whatever is written on the board, drowns out the rising voices of his classmates and rushes to pack his notebooks. Before he can think of leaving, one of his classmates steps in front of his desk. At first he doesn't notice her but her voice snaps him out of his trance. 

“Yamaguchi-kun.”

Tadashi looks up at her. “Ah, Kujikawa-san… Did you need something?”

“Yeah, uh, there's something I wanted to know,” her slight hesitance wasn't surprising, Yamaguchi had a small itch of what she might ask him. He nods for her to continue. “Do you know if your friend Tsukishima-kun is dating anyone?”

He sighs, after years of girls asking the same questions he gets a little bored… Yamaguchi wants to be at practice more than ever now. “No.” 

“‘No’ like he isn't dating anyone? Or ‘no’ like you don't know?”

“Listen, Kujikawa-san, you don't need my confirmation to go after him. It's up to you…” he admits then adds impulsively, “If you have the confidence…” Yamaguchi wants to mock her confusion but he's can only feed his ego so much. Her scoff is enough for him. 

“I-” she stutters, but can't seem to choke out a response. 

“Go for it,” Yamaguchi smiles softly, he really needs an excuse to leave. 

She furrows her eyebrows at his quick shift in attitude, but to her it seems genuine so she grins in return. As a last ditch effort to not be late to practice he shoves her aside and blurts out a short goodbye. He nearly sprints to the club room.

-

Tadashi notices immediately what he has unleashed. That's not to say he doesn't enjoy messing with people, but unfortunately Kujikawa-san isn't stupid nor subtle. He was given a key and unknowingly unlocked the cage to a beast far scarier than what nightmares are made of. This beast wears a cute red bow in her hair and intoxicatingly sweet perfume. Her smirk was that of someone who does whatever it takes to get what she wants. 

“You’re lying. That's not true,” Tadashi argues indignantly and refuses to admit he's wrong.

Tadashi knows Tsukishima hates math for a reason. And that reason is sitting right in front of him with a frustrated expression. “Yamaguchi, I swear to god, I am not going over the rectangles again. Everyone knows-” 

“If you mention the fucking rectangles again-”

“You're acting like Hinata and Kageyama,” he quips. Tadashi’s eyes widen like Tsukishima just slapped him. Tsukishima raises his eyebrows “Yeah.” Tadashi begins to giggle. “What are you laughing at?”

“That look on your face just now was really funny,” he fights back more laughter. Tsukishima snorts. 

“Can you finish the problem?”

“Yeah….” Tadashi says slowly. “I was messing with you anyways.” 

Tsukishima sighs and lets his head fall on top of his crossed arms situated on the desk. Tadashi chest bubbles with laughter and almost pokes Tsukishima’s arm but a certain someone slides herself into their limited space. 

“Hey boys!” Tsukishima flinches slightly at the new voice. He looks up, Tadashi can read his face now. He wants to roll his eyes. Neither of them were expecting a someone to interrupt their free period. 

Tadashi coughs, “Erm, Tsukki, this is Kujikawa-san. Kujikawa-san, Tsukki. We’re in the same class.” She sticks out her hand politely. Tsukishima shakes her hand but Tadashi can tell he’s confused. What is this, a business meeting?

“Pleased to meet you!” Her smile hasn’t faded, Tadashi suspects she's a robot…. “Are you guys working on math?” Her eyes trail to the textbook on the desk. It sits open in front of the two of them and Tadashi almost feels like lying. Even if she's right. 

“Yeah, I’m really bad at it… but Tsukki is a good tutor!” He says the last part in a slightly teasing tone. 

“I thought you stopped bragging about me after our first year,” Tsukishima rolls his eyes.

“I’m still gonna do it,” Tadashi grins at him, he sticks his tongue out jokingly but he speaks the truth. And in less than a minute it's just the two of them once again. At least it seems that way, Kujikawa hasn't left but Tadashi feels their little space closing in further. It's a little stuffy like his classroom during the summer but he feels the warmth embrace him and fill him with a lovely dizziness. He wants to anchor himself to that warmth and carry it with him wherever he goes. 

Tsukishima finally meets his eyes again but Kujikawa-san pops their bubble one more time, “Would you consider tutoring me?” Tadashi freezes. Tutoring… that's much different than dating but at the same time his mind acts before anything else. 

Luckily Tsukishima has memorized this exact response for convenient use and without as much as looking at her he drones, “I have practice and that takes up most of my free time. You need someone who can meet with you more often than once a week.” 

Her smile doesn't falter, Tadashi is a bit creeped out at this point, “What about during lunch?” 

“If you wish, but just a warning, I'm not a patient person,” Tsukishima gives in, he still hasn't faced her, his eyes stuck on a loose string from the collar of Tadashi’s shirt. 

“Thank you so much!” She turns with the flick of her skirt and walks out of the classroom. 

Tadashi quietly seethes in his seat but musters out with a normal voice, “Why did you agree?”

“She would have pestered me until I agreed.” There's a tinge of annoyance but otherwise Tsukishima seems unaffected. 

His stomach fills with a nasty heaviness. Not entirely the same as anxiety but a similar weight. This tutoring isn't quite like what Hinata and Kageyama begged for when the two of them were failing classes, but a girl trying to seduce her crush. Whether or not Tsukishima could tell what her motive is, is beyond Tadashi’s scope of knowledge. 

-

The classroom the three find themselves in is Tadashi and Kujikawa’s. Maybe Tadashi is there to make sure nothing shady happens, but also Tsukishima and him happen to eat together during lunch. Technically she is the intruder, not him. 

The first few lessons are fine, she keeps her distance. But the fifth one is where she begins to escalate. She caught onto Tadashi, but what she might know Tadashi can't read from her face. 

Tsukishima and Tadashi normally sit at one desk, across from each other for the convenience. Kujikawa sits at one of the ends, so while Tsukishima explains the problem to Kujikawa, Tadashi eats quietly. This particular instance, she has completely disregarded the seating arrangement and chose to sit right next to Tsukishima. 

Tadashi and Kujikawa share a look, her expression has contorted into a smirk and his changes into something that can only be described as bitter. He sets his food down and watches her, her hand glides across the desk effortlessly to graze Tsukishima’s hand in means to point out a part of the problem, “Why is the answer formatted this way?” Her eyes search Tsukishima’s face for some sort of reaction but she comes out fruitless. He continues to look at the textbook. 

“That's how the questions asks us to format the answer.” Tsukishima is bored. So is Tadashi, he misses Tsukishima’s voice when it didn't sound so monotonous or painfully uninterested. 

Unfortunately, she doesn't falter. “Oh, you're right! I'm not surprised, you're super smart,” she adds with a light giggle. She probably expected Tsukishima to thank her but unwanted compliments are the last thing he needs. 

Tadashi sighs and leans his head on his palm, “Lunch is close to ending, Tsukki.”

“And?” He looks up, expectedly. Tadashi is overwhelmed by his sudden attention. At times when he's fighting for Tsukishima’s focus to be on him, it's jarring how quick he’ll give it to Tadashi. He blinks away the glassy eyes to respond. 

“Eat,” Tadashi deadpans. “I will not let you get light-headed like last practice.” 

Tsukishima jokingly squints his eyes, “How did you notice?” Everyone noticed. 

“Don't mock the fact that I worry about you! If you don't than who will?” He exaggerates his motherly title given to him by his underclassmen. 

Kujikawa interrupts their slight banter, “I’m so sorry if the tutoring thing is distracting you! I hope it doesn't affect your performance!” 

Tsukishima and Tadashi share an awkward look, unsure if she's serious. “We’re joking…” Tadashi ends with a light laugh to ease her conscience. The other hums in agreement.

Her presence becomes smaller and at this point her flirting has fluctuated so many times, Tadashi isn't so sure if she knows what to do. Her gaze has shifted to the floor. In his special Tsukishima way, he mutters, “Worry about yourself.” In no way did it sound sympathetic, but she lifts her head slowly and she smiles half heartedly. Still, she finds the positivity dug deep in his words. Normally Tadashi is the one to uncover it but here she is, rising up steadily and clawing her way at his walls like every girl that's been infatuated with him. She knows too. 

Fuck, Tadashi thinks. She's acting acting like me when I was a first year. “But I should make it up to you! You've helped me so much!” Then her voice shifts from gratuitous to implicative, “If there's anything I can do… anything, just tell me.” He might have spoken too soon. Her eyes are lidded with a striking confidence Tadashi has never held. 

Tsukishima looks at her for a second or two like he's actually debating whether or not to take her up on her offer. “I'll think about it.” Tadashi’s eyes widen. His throat dries partially and he tries his best to not let her tricks get to him. 

What the fuck? “Oh crap, I just remembered I had to ask my history teacher about the project we have,” it slips out easily. Tadashi grabs his bag and rushes out of the room like he always does. Tsukishima knows about his tendencies to forget homework. This little white lie can’t hurt him as badly. 

Tadashi acted on impulse once again but he can't find a reason to feel sorry this time around. That's okay, once he returns to the classroom Tsukishima is gone. His warmth is replaced by an empty seat. When he looks over at Kujikawa-san, she isn't looking at him. Her focus has switched to her cell phone. 

Tsukishima left his pencil in the desk. Tadashi pulls it out and holds it loosely in his fingertips. Tsukishima has used this same pencil to take notes… more often for Tadashi than himself, as they share similar teachers. With the same hands he uses to write those notes, he sneaks his hand closer to Tadashi’s. In those rare times they touch, neither of them say a word. If they do, the world will continue to move and eventually so will they. 

In those rare times Tadashi catches his eyes glancing down at where they connect in the most minuscule of ways. Tsukishima most likely feels his eyes on him but chooses to ignore it. Tadashi would give anything to know what he's thinking. But the silence still holds the both of them and neither speak of it. What's he supposed to do? 

He hides those moments. Covers them up with a blanket of doubt and let's them sit in his mind. There's a light layer of dust that collects but he can't bring himself to bury them. It would be so simple to light a match and let the flames consume him but at some point, they're handed back to him. And repeatedly he accepts the warmth with little hesitance. He’ll ignore the smell of ash and grow fond of the fire. It's easy to pretend like he hasn't already burned. 

-

“Akiteru is in town-”

“Shut the fuck up, I’m staying over.”

Tsukishima let's out a laugh through his nose. “I'm not saying you can't-”

“I haven't seen Aki in god knows how long! Is he married?! Does he have children already?! Has he cut his hair?!” Tadashi babbles question after question, his excitement uncontrollable. He's pretty sure he adores Akiteru more than Tsukishima ever has, if he's being generous… 

“It's been only 2 months since his last visit, calm down…” Tsukishima’s amusement dissipates. Tadashi laughs at this. The shadows from the streetlights follow them carefully, practice wasn't as overbearing today. They have a week long training camp coming soon so they want to keep it easy before the team is ultimately pushed to their limits. 

As much as Tadashi hates to admit, those weeks are always the most fun. The summer is at its peak and the exhaustion after each day is satisfyingly heavy. 

“You're just mad when I give Aki more attention when he's home,” Yamaguchi teases, knocking into him with a slight smirk on his face.

Tsukishima yawns, “False.” He pauses. “In fact I get to go to sleep earlier because you're too busy bothering my brother. I won't have to consciously deal with all your fiddling at night because I’ll be out cold.”

“Should I feel offended?” 

Before Tsukishima replies, a different voice calls out to Tadashi, “Tadashi!” said boy runs towards Akiteru and quite literally throws himself on top of him. Tsukishima catches up and stands at the doorway with suspicious eyes. “Why is my brothers best friend more excited to see me then my own brother?” Akiteru whines and separates from Tadashi. He holds his arms open for Tsukishima to hug him. 

“Can I take a raincheck?” He mutters instead and begins to walk into the house. 

“Oh no you don't,” Akiteru says and squeezes Kei from behind. Tadashi stifles a snort, quietly taking his phone out. 

“Are we done? Can this be done now? If you squeeze tighter I will kill you in your sleep.” Kei’s complaints are ignored. In fact Tadashi decides to attack him from the front, wrapping his arms around Kei’s shoulders. His body noticeably stiffens. “Alright, that's enough human contact for today, see you guys in a year.” Kei wiggles out of their grip and makes a beeline towards the kitchen. 

-

Tadashi is surprisingly absent during most of the visit. He talks to Akiteru a bit about school and the volleyball team, but the rest of his conscience is elsewhere. He can't seem to figure out where exactly but in the living room of the Tsukishima household, he's sat leaning his head on Kei’s shoulder. 

The room is dark aside from the bright television in front of them, Akiteru called it quits an hour ago so the two are simply shoulder to shoulder under a blanket. Tadashi can hear the sounds of the television but above all the beat of his heart drums in his ears. Nerves push to him to do something, anything. Luckily Tsukishima does it for him, “Do want to go to bed?” 

Tadashi swallows the tightness in his throat and hums a vague ‘yes.’ 

“C’mon I won't carry you,” he murmurs softly. Tsukishima could have got up without mercy but he waits for Tadashi to wake up a little more and remove the other’s head from his shoulder. 

Tsukishima turns the television off and they walk blindly to his room. To Tadashi it's like routine. He opens the door and doesn't hesitate to get under the covers of Tsukishima’s bed. The side closest to the wall. He squints his eyes, looking for Tsukishima, “Get in, I’m cold.” Tadashi reaches his arm out and pulls the other boy by the hem of his shirt. 

“You're so needy,” Tsukishima mutters into the darkness but nonetheless slots himself into the space made for him. They lay on their sides, facing one another. Through the darkness Tadashi accidentally presses his forehead against Tsukishima’s and flinches. Neither realized the proximity of each other's face. 

“Sorry,” he apologizes faintly. There's no reply, the pause is jarring. Tadashi can't tell if it's hesitance or lack of words. He can only guess. His eyes shut and he can only hear the thud of his heart, it almost lulls him to sleep. That's when an arm quietly inches over his waist. 

The response startles him, Tsukishima pulls him impossibly closer. Tadashi wants to say something but he's distracted by the sound of the soft breathing only inches away from him. Cold knuckles tickle the sliver of skin revealed at the small of his back. 

Tadashi is at a loss, their tangled legs draw him into sleep, the fine hairs that rub at his calves slightly and arms which drape lazily over his side. He wants to make a list of all the separate emotions he feels from each separate detail. The rhythmic rise and fall of Tsukishima's chest against his own is hypnotizing. The silence this time, calms him. 

Even if his eyes desperately want to close, he holds on a little bit longer. His hand slowly travels up Tsukishima’s arm, to his back, grazes his neck and settles itself in soft curls. 

Tadashi let's out a soft sigh.

-

Her perfume intoxicates an entire classroom of boys. Hell, she could get a whole school to drop to their knees. The subtly sweet smell flutters around the room and bites his senses. Her eyes glint under long lashes and glance at him from her peripherals, she's quite beautiful when he dismisses her messed up personality. Tadashi breaks his careful gaze, Tsukishima’s low voice fills his ears once again. 

“... learned this last year. Maybe I just hated the teacher, but this was by far the worst section,” He explains. Tadashi continues to write notes for a different class but pauses to listen to Tsukishima, once again, complain about math. Tadashi doesn't understand how someone could hate a subject so deeply even if they're strangely proficient. 

Tadashi thinks for a moment and looks over at Tsukishima, “You know what we should get after practice?” 

“What?” He encourages as they both watch Kujikawa solve the problem effortlessly. 

“Ice cream.” 

Tsukishima turns towards him and raises an eyebrow, “By the time you stop practicing, it's like 9 pm.”

“Your point?” Tadashi challenges. “It's still hot at night…” 

“I'm surprised you still keep up with your studies…” Tsukishima snorts and gestures to other boy’s notebook with a nod. 

He gasps, “That's so shady! You end up practicing with me!” Tadashi meets his eyes and breaks into laughter. 

“No. I don't trust Hinata and Kageyama to close up especially after one of them lost the spare key when I misplaced the original one.” Tsukishima shoots him a playful glare, but looks slightly pissy from the memory of that annoyingly cold December morning. 

“Whatever you say, Tsukki. I got to keep my spare…” 

“You're the vice captain wh-” he bites his tongue and looks over to Kujikawa, “As I was saying-”

“Um, Yamaguchi-kun can I talk to you really quick?” Her voice is uncertain, she pulls him out of his seat before Tadashi can answer. 

He followers her down the halls. A few girls wave to her but her mind is somewhere else. They turn a corner into a space near the stairwell. Tadashi watches her shoulders rise and fall with her breath then she mutters, “What's your problem?”

Tadashi isn't sure what she seems to be referring to. “Well, I’ve had a lot of self esteem issues growing up so there's that.” 

She lets out a frustrated scream. She clenches her fists and spins around with a deadly glare aimed directly at him. “No! I mean with Tsukishima!” Even the petit red bow in her hair couldn't make her look less intimidating. In fact, it only adds to his fear. 

“Uh, he’s just my friend.” He pretends last night never happened. The light buzz of warmth transforms into nauseating guilt. Her eyes hold a confidence he thought he had, but no. Hers was fought for, this confrontation right now is enough proof. 

“You're a terrible liar, like he said,” her dark eyes pierce his. Tadashi’s face falls, his focus is lost by the voices that inch closer from the top of the stairs. “What is he to you?” She whispers. 

“My best friend,” Tadashi insists blankly. His eyes fall on the silver chain that falls around her neck. The charm is hidden by the collar of her shirt. She hides her true intentions the same way, under a cream sweater and the pale pink of her nail polish. 

“In my honest opinion, I thought it was an unrequited crush at first.” Her eyes search his face for any emotion that remains, “But it seems I’ll have to try harder.” She leaves him there by the bottom of the stairs. By the time the voices reach the first floor, both Tadashi and Kujikawa have made it back to their classroom. Tsukishima leaves without a word. 

“Tsukki, wait!” Tadashi calls after him. 

Tsukishima continues to walk towards the other end of the hall.  
-

The infamous Golden Training Weeks falls upon Karasuno once more. Tadashi can never forget this time of year. The boys are rushing to raise their grades so they can receive permission to go, and for once Kageyama and Hinata aren't categorized in that list. 

Tadashi and Tsukishima had planned to have a night in before the next couple tiring days, unfortunately Tsukishima’s family had a planned a formal dinner for his father’s boss and there's no negotiation when it comes to work… Instead Tadashi called over Hinata. Tadashi is currently looking over his phone, Tsukishima hasn't texted him back since the late afternoon. 

Hinata plays with the volleyball Tadashi keeps in his room. He lays on the floor and quietly throws it at the ceiling and catches it.

His presence was certainly reassuring to say the least. “I hope Coach packed a ton of sunscreen because otherwise I might die like last year…” Hinata cringes. 

Tadashi laughs, “You do know he's not obligated to bring you sunscreen?” 

Hinata pauses, “Okay maybe not Coach but Takeda-sensei is very reliable.” 

“True.” 

“Not nearly as reliable as Noya-san,” Hinata sneaks in. He catches the ball one last time. A wave of nostalgia washes over them. It's like a melancholic light, it peaks through the cracks in his heart and patches up any cuts but deepens the scars. He recalls that year with such softness and cruelty, the pain of his search for himself. 

He looks up from his phone where the screen held him captive. “That was a good year,” Tadashi supplies, almost incoherent over the cicadas that chirp outside his window. 

“It was… a lot,” he replied simply with a light chuckle. 

“This same time last year, I was so….” He loses his voice. 

Hinata looks over and hums for him to continue. 

“I was so scared.” 

“Me too. Probably for a different reason, but everything was going so fast we didn't have time to look back on what we actually did.” Their eyes meet, Tadashi in disbelief. Hinata sits up, “I think you probably felt it on a different level.”

“I'm not excited this year,” Tadashi groans and covers his face with his hands. 

“Why wouldn't you be?! Maybe this time around we’ll do less Loser Drills!” Hinata’s usual positive outlook returns. 

“It's because of you that I had to remember what happened in our first year!” 

“What happened? Was I there? Was it on Wednesday because-”

“I asked you for advice right before I went and did it!” Tadashi interrupts impatiently. 

“Did it have to do with Tsu- Oh.” Hinata freezes. “You never did tell me what exactly happened, you know?” 

Tadashi’s face flushes. “That's unimportant right now-”

“Bullshit, just tell me!” Hinata jumps from the floor and throws himself on top of Yamaguchi’s bed.

“My soul physically dies every time I remember, Hinata, you wouldn't want to-”

“Try me,” Hinata challenges with a smug expression. 

Tadashi lowers his hands and releases a defeated sigh. “I won't be specific or dramatic, but basically I yelled at Tsukki and he called me ‘cool’ which is- y’know… not usual Tsukki Behavior. I died, the end.” His eyes avoid Hinata’s awaiting glare. Tadashi can't tell if the nausea is from embarrassment of the story or the redness that won't leave his face. 

“You're blushing just because he called you cool?” Hinata asks seriously. 

Tadashi chokes,”I- ah… When you put it that way it sounds stupid, but he smiled and everything, and to be clear it was more like an argument and I finally exploded. For fucks sake I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and he just took it, what was I supposed to do?!”

“You didn't tell me the physical aspect, Yamaguchi! You grabbed his shirt?!” Hinata begins to laugh hysterically. 

“He just has so much potential and at that time he didn't see it, how else was I supposed to convey that to him?” Tadashi takes a deep breath. His cheeks still hold a pink tint but from a soft longing. 

“This is so weird.” Hinata comments offhandedly. 

“What do you mean?”

“I don't think I'll ever understand the relationship you guys have.” Hinata explains. 

“I don't understand it either,” Tadashi laughs awkwardly. 

“Don't get mad at me or anything but… erm…” He hesitates to continue. 

“Just ask, I won't care.” 

“Are you and him together?” Hinata’s genuine confusion is clear in his voice and the raise of his eyebrow. 

“No.” Tadashi mutters. His thoughts cannot be drowned out by the sudden silence. There are millions of memories that can easily replace that fateful evening, but it always comes back to him. The beat of his heart as he released what was cultivating for a couple months, it overpowered his voice. He didn't care if it cracked or shook, as long as Tsukishima heard him. 

The sensation of his hands shaking when he gripped the worn white fabric of Tsukishima’s t-shirt mesmerized Tadashi. The expression of distaste and a slow realization. His smirk. Tadashi stood frozen, staring at his downward gaze, he panicked. In that moment he was unsure of everything. 

“Why don't you tell him?” Hinata asked. 

Tadashi scrunches his eyebrows, confused. “Tell him what?”

“That you like him.”  
-

The quiet buzz of the team as they stepped off the bus was calming. Each carried their own weight, their own hopes and desires for this week. Tadashi saw the fiery glint in the eyes of the first years, young and naive… 

“Can you stop making that face?” Kageyama muses from behind Yamaguchi, he knows well enough the Tadashi adores self reflection at any given moment. 

His head whips around to find Kageyama with his bag hanging from his shoulder and his hands stuffed in his pockets. His grumpy face is only temporary as he was unfortunately woken up haphazardly… “Can I keep nothing to myself anymore?” 

Kageyama yawns. “So dramatic.” 

“Kageyama, you're the king of drama. No one handles it as bad as you do.” 

“That's fair.” Tadashi laughs at this.  
-

The first two days run as smooth as Karasuno usually runs. With multiple scuffles and a few bruises where they shouldn't be... Mostly due to the underclassmen accustoming themselves to the pressure of newer teams. 

Tadashi remembers the bridge that carries over a small river. The one Tsukishima and him meet at when they walk to school flashes in his mind. A memory of them walking side by side in the cold, with scarves that covered their mouths and muffled their voices. Maybe he could have remembered their conversation. Instead the soft flow of water rung in his ears. 

There's a similar bridge, not far from the gym, he discovered in his second year. Tuesday evening he sat at the edge of the murky, moonlit stream. He debated whether or not to try his luck and dunk his feet. He decided to wait until the last day. 

The quaint rustling of the trees in rhythm with the cool late night breeze of summer was melodic. Tadashi dipped his fingers in the cool water, it moved through the spaces between his fingers with a consistent speed. It was almost comforting. 

He stood up and turned to the direction of the gyms. The lights poured through the open doors, it invited everyone who gazed upon it. The bright yellow was a beacon in contrast to the late hours of practice. He gets up and walks into the third gym where the a couple underclassmen await for instructions. Tsukishima goes over technique with two of the first year middle blockers and Hinata does practices spikes with the second year setter. 

Tsukishima glances over to Tadashi, his movements still and he slips up in the middle of his explanation. One of the first years turns around curiously and finds their vice captain putting on his shoes to join practice. 

“Hidaka,” Tsukishima says firmly in order to get his attention. 

Hidaka whips his head around to find their captain watching him sternly. “Sorry, Tsukishima-san.” He quickly bows, embarrassed. 

“You looked pretty distracted yourself, Captain,” says the other first year, casually looking at his nails. 

“Both of you be quiet or I'll make you run laps after this.”

-

On Wednesday, Tadashi realizes he misses Tsukishima. 

On Thursday, Tadashi only plays a couple matches with Tsukishima.

On Friday, Tadashi’s heart falls out of his chest and bleeds into Tsukishima’s hands. 

“Tsukishima go help Yamaguchi to the nurse’s office,” Coach insisted right after Tadashi fell backwards onto the gym floor with a stiff thud. 

Tadashi cupped his nose with one hand and turned to the two. “Just get Yachi to-” he began to protest but Tsukishima was already reaching an arm under Tadashi’s armpit to help him up. 

“Let them figure this out without us,” he murmurs close to his ear. Tadashi flinches at the sound of his voice, the slight lisp he carries almost going unnoticed by Tadashi’s dizzy state. He allows Tadashi to grip his arm and leads him to the nurse’s office with his head ripped back. 

Tadashi squints his eyes at the sky when they leave the gym, the sweat on his forehead cools with the warm breeze. He tightens his grip on Tsukishima’s arm when he trips. Tsukishima panics to grab him. For a second Tadashi sees his light brown eyes wide with fear, “Are you okay?” 

“I feel bad,” he blubbers, tears almost welling in his eyes. 

“Trust me, they’ll be fine without us,” he tries to assure Tadashi. Tsukishima stares at him for a second but goes back to holding Tadashi up. 

They walked almost awkwardly. Tadashi wanted to say something but Tsukishima had chosen not to say anything. His expression was blank as he stared forward, past the gyms, away from the world that has ingrained itself in their bodies. 

They arrived, the nurse dealt with him and warned him about possible bruising. Tsukishima stood by silently, his gaze rotating between the drops of blood on Tadashi’s jersey and the tissues in the garbage next to his seat. Tadashi almost fainted at the sight of all the blood that had covered his hand. 

“I would tell you to go wash your hands but I'm not sure you can stand up at this point.”

“Ha-ha,” Tadashi mocked him. Tsukishima finally looked at him. 

“Why have you been avoiding me?” There was no accusing tone, simply curiosity. His eyes searched for a reason. Tadashi’s mouth tasted sour. A sudden anger took over him, it tore through his heart and squeezed his rib cage. 

“I don't always have to be with you. You always go practice with the other teams, I don't complain. In fact I support you in that much.” Tadashi closed his eyes. He didn't want to look at the scoff on Tsukishima’s face. 

“You could practice with us,” He argued weakly, his brows furrowed. 

“Oh yeah, so the other teams can call me clingy and needy for your attention,” Tadashi says in a condescending tone. “I know what people say about me and you.”

“So what?” Tsukishima asks. Tadashi looks at him with a small glare. “Why does it matter to them? I don't care if you want my attention or we hang out a lot. That's what friends do.”

“What if people misinterpret our relationship?!” Tadashi bursts, his voice shakes on the last word. He nose begins to bleed again and he rushes to get a tissue and clean it from his chin. 

Tsukishima clenches his jaw. “You care too much!” He immediately regrets it. Blood still seeps into the tissue, the flow is fervent. It drips onto Tadashi’s shorts, he can't hide it now. It quietly spreads to create a larger spot. 

“You don’t care enough!” Tadashi yells back, furious. 

Tsukishima freezes. For a short moment Tadashi thinks he's figured it out. 

His heart beats a wild rhythm in his ears, he faintly hears Tsukishima sigh. It's over. 

“I’m…. This feels like a conversation we’ve had before.” His body relaxes and he looks down to the floor. Tadashi takes a picture in his mind. Tsukishima slouched over a tiny chair, a confused expression on his face. His sports glasses are still on and the taping on his fingers are coming off at the edges. On his right shoulder is a small splatter of Tadashi’s blood from when Tsukishima helped him off the floor. 

The scene flashes once again. Tadashi’s adrenaline filled eyes. Tsukishima’s surprise. The proximity of their faces. 

“I’m sorry,” Tadashi mutters under his breath for no reason other than to fill the space between them. The emptiness both helped to create. Tsukishima meets his eyes. Tadashi is lost once again. He can see where they droop a little more than usual, never missing the small pale scar on his nose. It appeared sometime in their childhood. 

“This would have been more dramatic if you had done the shirt thing again…” Tsukishima points out, he pinches his shirt and pulls slightly to allude to their first year. 

Tadashi fights a smile but fails. “I think the bloody nose is enough.” 

-

Seeing her again was far worse than the stench of sweat that reeked in the gym after practice. She hadn't talked to either of them in a while but today her stature was… odd. When she walked in during their free period, she didn't carry her notebook like she said she forgot in her locker. In fact her hands were stuffed behind her back. 

Her eyes were casted downwards and her cheeks were flushed. Tsukishima and Tadashi were sat in their normal formation, across from each other. A desk sat in between them. Tsukishima was writing quietly in his planner. Tadashi caught her eye the second she walked in. 

Kujikawa quietly made it towards the two of them. The bow in her hair today was the same bright red and her perfume smelled the same, everything about her was the same.

Tsukishima felt her distressed gaze and but continued to write. “Did you need something?”

As if the gods had come down and slapped Tadashi across the face, Kujikawa finally pulled her hands from behind her back and held a small white envelope in her fingertips. “This is for you.” She smiles sweetly at him then bows, extending her arms. 

Tsukishima looks up and says nothing to her. He takes the envelope to look closer at it. Tadashi hasn't spoken a word, but he looks at the small, delicate handwriting of Kujikawa.

“Tsukki”

Tadashi’s blood runs cold. She isn't the first one to write his nickname, but this was thin ice she walked on. She looks up to see his expression, it was blank. 

Tsukishima glances over to Tadashi quickly, and it was like a thunderous storm in his chest had calmed. This wasn't one of his normal ‘I don't like her, help me’ looks, this was an invitation for something else. 

He began to speak but before he can speak a coherent word Yamaguchi stands up from his chair and pulls Tsukishima over the desk by the collar of his shirt. Their lips meet. It takes all of Tadashi’s strength to pull away. He glares at her and Tsukishima falls back into his chair, his cheeks a bright red and eyes wide with surprise. 

Kujikawa brings her hand to cover her mouth but her shock slowly turns into a giggle. She begins to laugh full heartedly. “Wow, Yamaguchi-kun, you sure do love a show,” she smirks. 

A couple classmates stay frozen behind her, not many people were in the classroom to begin with but they still saw the exchange. Tsukishima narrows his eyes at them and they break out of their trance to turn away and whisper to other classmates. 

“Did you piss Yamaguchi off simply to out us? Even I wouldn't do that.” Tsukishima spits.

“Exactly. I thought I had a chance with you until I realized it was mutual.” Her tone is awfully casual. Kujikawa settles her hands on her hips, she radiates a sense of pride. 

“So you decided to try to ruin our lives out of pettiness?” Tadashi asks rhetorically. 

“What a pathetic attempt at it too.” Tsukishima adds. The other boy snickers. “We’re third years and the captains of the volleyball team on our way to nationals… Nobody is gonna believe that we’re anything but straight.” 

“If rumors spread that somebody saw us kiss,” Tadashi pauses to look at Tsukishima and shrugs, “It wouldn't be the first time.” 

“Your plan wasn't gonna work to begin with.” Tsukishima picks up the confession from the floor where he dropped it when Tadashi kissed him. He rips it in half and hands it to Kujikawa. Her jaw visibly clenches. “Just tell everyone I rejected you and get over yourself.” She glares at both of them and leaves the classroom. 

The air clears up and the heaviness in Tadashi’s chest leaves. Tsukishima looks at everyone in the room, “I hope you heard what I said before because I won't say it again.” He turns back to face Tadashi. 

“What?” Tsukishima finds him grinning. Tadashi begins to giggle, eyes crinkled. “What is it?” Tsukishima asks again, a flush rising to his cheeks. 

“You didn't actually expect me to do it, did you?”

“No… idiot.” He turns to hide the partial smile on his face. 

Tadashi laughs, “Sorry, Tsukki.” At this moment, he was too busy with the soft warmth that made his head dizzy to focus on the summer heat that traveled through the windows.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for any errors. you can find me on tumblr, my url is bnhaphobic. this is most likely the last hq fic I'm ever gonna write so thank you if you read my past stories!


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